Jesus Christ, how do you people even survive???

". ." (xllx) 03/20/2016 at 16:32 • Filed to: None

2

40

I just saw this ad and I’m filled with a seething fury. I was already aware of the shockingly terrible Chevy Malibu ad, but this is worse. Fucking brats. HOW DO YOU SURVIVE WITH STUFF LIKE THAT ON TV?! In Europe all car ads are the same, it’s always just ‘trendy’ looking hipsters driving to pretentious music. Annoying, but not infuriating.

Mattbob > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:35

5

The worst kind of parents... Both sets.

interstate366, now In The Industry > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:39

3

“Note to self: get...vasectomy...AGAIN!”

-Lewis Black

(I know, I’m a terrible person.)

bob and john > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:41

10

whoever is in GM’s ad department needs to get fired.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:41

0

I don’t watch the ads and use an ad block for websites like Youtube unless it’s a channel that I massively support (Ex. MCM). But yeah. That’s probably a lot of kids.

PS9 > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:41

11

4GLTE Hotspots. Because using chloroform on your kids is illegal, but we’ve got the next best thing! SO BUY OUR MIDDLING CROSSOVER WITH A FEATURE YOU COULD GET YOURSELF FOR ANY VEHICLE AT ANY WIRELESS CARRIER OR YOUR SHITTY BRATS WILL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Dear GM. Fire your PR team immediately. It’s for the best, trust me.

. . > bob and john 03/20/2016 at 16:42

2

Then beaten up and turned into Torgo’s Executive Powder!

JGrabowMSt > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:43

5

Here, feel better

. . > PS9 03/20/2016 at 16:44

2

I’m partial to the James May theory. Kids absolutely need to be bored during road trips. And they aren’t allowed to be brats about it.

. . > JGrabowMSt 03/20/2016 at 16:45

1

Thanks. I needed to see something with no back seats.

PS9 > bob and john 03/20/2016 at 16:48

2

Are you saying you don’t think the new Malibu is worth at least $80k? That’s just because you haven’t seen it yet! How about we go down to the reeducation dungeon proving grounds for a test drive?

pjhusa > . . 03/20/2016 at 16:50

0

Infuriating. Agreed. Pathetic.

bob and john > PS9 03/20/2016 at 16:54

1

His Stigness > JGrabowMSt 03/20/2016 at 16:54

2

God I love that video! I turned it into an audio file and it’s been my ringtone for a few years now.

jkm7680 > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:00

8

For one, the Equinox is a dated piece of shit.

For two, if I had kids like that. I’d find the receipt.

Tekamul > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:00

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I’m pretty sure this is exactly the type of ad that would influence people that still watch ads. People who don’t understand what a wifi hotspot is, or that kids can look out windows once in a while.

Also, my autocorrect tried to capitalize windows, like I’m talking about the damn operating system, because people aren’t the only things that are self important.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:01

3

If they can’t entertain themselves on a trip like that, they’ll never be able to handle life.

. . > jkm7680 03/20/2016 at 17:02

2

Even compared to that Ford they put in the commercial the Equinox looks awful.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > PS9 03/20/2016 at 17:07

3

Seriously. GM commercials are absolutely infuriatingly-stupid these days. I mean, their marketing team thinks people are stupid; worse than even Toyota. Who would want to buy from someone that thinks you're stupid?

Birddog > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 03/20/2016 at 17:09

1

We pretty much tailor “life” to fit their grown up counterparts already.

PS9 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 03/20/2016 at 17:11

1

They...they’re going to ‘grounded to the ground’ the camaro, aren’t they? They are. This PR team who came up with the brilliantly shitty ads are totally going to do that to the 2016 Camaro. We just have to accept it and hope the cringe doesn’t cause our skin to slither off our bodies.

mazda616 > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:35

2

Doesn’t the 4G LTE in these cars run off the carrier networks? What happens when you’re in an area with shitty service (as often happens where I live)? Kids will have a meltdown. Man, we’re raising a generation of short attention spanned entitled brats now.

ranwhenparked > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:39

2

Oh, we have plenty of pretentious hipster ads too, but mainly just for cars targeted to millennials, because advertisers seem to believe that 100% of everyone is a hipster and identifies with such imagery.

I wonder how Chevy thinks parents got their kids to behave prior to the very recent invention of in-car WiFi - which, if Sirius XM is anything to go by - most Equinox buyers won’t bother to keep after the introductory subscription period ends.

E92M3 > PS9 03/20/2016 at 17:40

6

Seriously, imagine their surprise to find out their extra gigs of data used by their kids watching sponge bob cost them more than their car payment last month.

The last thing your kids need is more screen stimulus.

DoYouEvenShift > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:44

0

99% of car ads are targeted at people that dont know what they want. So they cater to lifestyles. The ads themselves have very little to do with the car itself.

The good ads actualy get pulled for being dangerous/irresponsible. Thats one of the reasons Chevys ads are so lame. Several of their Vette commercial got pulled off the air by whiny parents.

Elumerere > . . 03/20/2016 at 17:48

2

I’m with you on that one. It teaches a kid patience. Much needed these days.

wkiernan > . . 03/20/2016 at 18:11

1

As I am an old man whose youngest kids are adults now, I think the Wifi-less Ford ride is a thousand times better than the Wifi ride. Ten thousand times. Ah, those were the days, my adorable kids all yelling at once from the back seat! I’ll never be so happy again.

Leon711 > . . 03/20/2016 at 18:24

1

Those fucking kids should look the fuck out the window and be amazed the fucking world around them. It’ll build up a sense of appreciation of the world, help them understand life and not be such little spoilt shits. Did I have 4G when I was being carted around in the back of a Rover Metro? Did I fuck. I looked out the window or pretended I was driving.

yamahog > interstate366, now In The Industry 03/20/2016 at 18:29

1

I should really send my surgeon a nice bouquet sometime!

samssun > . . 03/20/2016 at 18:47

0

Ford Escape: I Will Turn on Cruise Control, Come Back There, and Show You What Real Parenting is

Chevy Equinox: I Can’t Wait to Turn My Kids Over to Hillary’s Village

Frank Rizzo > ranwhenparked 03/20/2016 at 20:18

0

Supposedly the 2017 Escape is getting SyncConnect (service via at&t) and the first 5 years of service is included. Not sure what limits there is to the service, but since it’s included im sure there’s limits of some kind.

The rest of the Ford line is supposed to get it as well. The Escape is just getting it first.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > Elumerere 03/21/2016 at 01:06

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yup. The amount of impatient kids I see at work (especially last week) is off the charts. Theyre usually the ones sitting in the cart basket playing on a phone or tablet.

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > Leon711 03/21/2016 at 03:25

0

Exact reason why my parents took me to live in the middle of nowhere whilst growing up. I got to appreciate everything outside and until I was about 12, I never heard of something called broadband. Life was goooooood.

Svend > . . 03/21/2016 at 03:37

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How many kids actually get into a car and say (without prompting) this car doesn’t have wifi?

But even if it is an issue a car wifi dongle that plugs into a car’s 12v socket (if you don’t want to use your mobile phones data) are really cheap these days.

I had the EE 4G car wifi dongle in our old car.

and in our car

Leon711 > TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut 03/21/2016 at 04:54

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I didn’t experience broadband at home until I was like 15. We had dial up for a while though.

People need to learn that your kids will be little shits when you don’t show them how to appreciate the world. I’m at an age now where in a few years I’ll be wanting to start a family, and you can bet that my kids won’t have any DVD players, WiFi or iPads in the car.

I know people do it to shut their kids up but maybe your kids are like that because you made them like that, too much TV.

interstate366, now In The Industry > yamahog 03/21/2016 at 08:48

0

I want to get one at some point. Unfortunately it isn’t urgent.

yamahog > interstate366, now In The Industry 03/21/2016 at 08:52

1

If you’re in the market at some point, I hear Planned Parenthood offers affordable vasectomies. I went with a UofM surgeon for my tubal, easily the best thing I’ve ever done for myself especially since no other forms of birth control worked well for me.

interstate366, now In The Industry > yamahog 03/21/2016 at 10:11

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Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.

Klaus Schmoll > . . 03/21/2016 at 13:19

1

They didn’t even edit out the typical GM interiour rattle. “Nice ride!”

. . > Klaus Schmoll 03/21/2016 at 13:24

0

Haha. That sort of rattle would drive me insane in a DD.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > . . 03/23/2016 at 14:37

1

All 2016 Chevys now available with a pony.